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There is always lots of pain and fear, often accompanied by a sense of betrayal. I am struck by your comment that apart from this everything in the relationship is great.
The trick is to try and understand what all of this is really about. It not unusual to find that someone had almost developed a second persona, known only to themselves.
But I am inviting you to think together about how you connect sexually and emotionally, instead of rehashing the actual events. Ask Ammanda: I caught my husband on a dating site. This can only begin to recover if you start sharing things at a deeper level. He'd also arranged hookups. Sometimes too, it can be about wanting to get in touch with a part of themselves that they think a partner would ridicule or be revolted by.
So firstly, checking his phone is completely pointless. Discovering something like this quite apart from making sense of it is highly challenging.
Some couples can work this out, but in my experience it nearly always ends in tears for one of them. Last year, I caught my husband on a dating site - actually, it was a swingers' or 'lifestyle' site. Instead, this really needs to be a t enterprise to work out if there are areas in your own relationship that need attention.
If you have a relationship worry you would like some help with, please send it to askammanda relate. The curious thing about all this is that they often compartmentalise this side of themselves from everything else in their lives, including their partner.
Yes, you can continue to check his phone but eventually, this will reduce you both to a frazzle. You look on his phone and find nothing, but the doubts remain. From your perspective, the worst scenario might be that he secretly wanted to have multiple partners, run away from your relationship and not care how bereft you were or what happened to you.
Understanding your own triggers with dishonesty and trust
We are talking about how I feel and my husband insists he loves me. Often though, the process of getting in touch with others is to satisfy a nagging concern that they may not be attractive, desirable or even likable. I tried to believe him at the time and as there were no other issues in the relationship, we decided to stay together.
But now, just under a year into our marriage, I feel increasingly paranoid - constantly checking his phone. Having said that though, many people have a dabble and having done so, find that other things are more important.
Ask ammanda: i caught my husband on a dating site
I suspect this is where your husband is at now. At the time, we were recently engaged and I thought very happy. Six months later we got married. All of this needs talking about together.
Find out if your spouse is on a dating site
He reacted angrily at first, almost blaming me, but was later very remorseful. So, you have some choices here. To be honest, I do find that quite hard to believe because what is central to everything is your lack of trust. Then you will have big decisions to make.
No one made him do this. These are all completely understandable feelings.
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Sex is no different. So my recommendation is that you stop policing him and instead, start talking about what happened differently. I love my husband so much and otherwise our relationship is great. Occasionally they do hook up with others who share similar tastes, and yes, sometimes this does lead to relationships breaking down. If he wants to continue getting in touch with swingers, he will find a way of doing that.
Others dabble a little and take the fantasy to another level. Many people fantasise about sexual situations.
For some, it stays solely in their head.